I'm running a little behind on blog posts but as you can imagine, life has been on the fast track lately. The boy is growing like a weed. It's so bittersweet to me. I love watching him grow and reach new milestones but I'm saddened that he's already in size TWO diapers and in 3-6 month clothes. Where did my 7lb 12oz baby go?! As we are coming up on 11 weeks, he's been a lot less fussy and more content with whatever is going on. He loves to play and grab things with his hands. He also loves to talk, smile and laugh. He is the sweetest little man ever and he has us all so wrapped. He has the cutest little frowny face that melts my heart, and he uses it to his advantage for sure.
Saturday was the first day of fall (yippee, my favorite season) so I'm hoping it will cool off enough pretty soon to get outside more! He loves the outdoors but I've been limiting our time outside because of all the West-Nile cases. We've already been in the hospital once and I never want him to go through that again. Seeing your baby be a pin-cushion is not fun!! I'm so thankful for a generally healthy baby, because that was hard!!
Anywho here's a growth survey:
Weight: at nine weeks he weighed 11lbs 14oz, I imagine he's about 12.5-13 now. Chubby little booger!
Height: 23.5 inches, he's gonna be a tall boy!
Hair color: it's lightening up to a sandy blonde color with golden flecks! And super curly/frizzy! I love it!!!
Eye color: they're still blue! Hoping they stay that way!
Favorite food: breastmilk :)
Favorite "words": "ooohhh" "goooo" "eh"
Favorite toy: owl mobile and captain calamari
Favorite lovie: his sleep machine Lambo so far.
Favorite clothes: sleepers!
Diaper size: 2
Clothes size: 3 months
Shoe size: 1
Likes: bath time, outdoors, riding in carseat, being in a wrap or sling playing and talking, play mat, his fur sister Dixie, sound machines (hair dryer and lambo), lullabies, rocking, stories, cuddling, and nursing to sleep.
Dislikes: tummy time, nursing when other things are going on, sleeping alone, bouncer, swing, car seat simulator, or anything when someone isn't holding him.
Who does he favor? He's got my eyes, lips and hair, Phillip's nose, chin and facial expressions! :)
Love,
Nikki
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
100 things that keep me going!
In a world where nursing your baby is frowned upon and with all odds against us, these things keep me pushing through. I love getting him chubby on mama milk and will continue to do so for as long as I can!
1. Looking in your babies eyes.
2. Holding your sweet little one.
3. Getting a BREAK to sit down with a super good excuse.
4. Makes you feel relaxed.
5. It really is easier in the long run.
6. Even after a busy, crazy, day with a baby and a bunch of other kids, you can look back and know that you held your baby a few times that day.
7. Getting an extra hour of sleep after the morning wake up when you nurse them back to sleep.
8. Being the person who feeds your baby skin to skin is a good feeling. It is like you and only you fed somebody and helped them grow. Amazing.
9. You know when you are nursing a baby that you were productive that day even if the dishes need doing.
10. It magically makes them stay babies. For real.
11. Babies and toddlers are quiet when they nurse.
12. Fixing sadness.
13. Portable.
14. I wouldn’t recommend camping with kids. But if you do choose such a thing, nursing makes it easier.
15. No runs to the store.
16. Breasts are easy to clean, and don’t usually need to be sanitized. (I am just kidding. I never sanitize mine.)
17. La Leche League- cool ladies, great friends.
18. It just makes sense.
19. Sneaking out of church to go to the mother’s room where it is quiet, you can hear the speaker, and hubby gets to sit with the kids! Many a relaxing break in the nursing room…
20. On the other hand, you can easily nurse in the middle of church so you don’t distract all the other kids that would want to follow you out!
21. No getting up to prep anything in the middle of the night- it is a self-serve system!
22. Lactating breasts are like a free pharmacy for the whole family! Ear infection, gooey eye, runny nose- NO PROBLEM! A little milk can fix it up.
23. Unoffensive poo.
24. Liquid diet for sickies means they still get nourishment when they are sick.
25. Milk sharing. It just makes a mama feel like she is helping someone when she can share milk with a friend who really needs it for their baby.
26. One less thing to buy.
27. Seems to magically calm the whole house.
28. Helps you sit and reconnect with the other kids.
29. Gives you time to read a little (before they are grabby) which is just so NICE when you are a busy mom.
30. A meal that requires NO DISHES!!!!
31. A meal that requires no preparation!
32. A meal that requires no shopping!
33. One less thing in the diaper bag.
34. Happy baby on the plane! Just nurse them and they don’t scream.
35. Less hassle when they frisk you in security when you are getting ON the plane.
36. MONEY- it is saved.
37. No plastic.
38. The little games they play that only you see while they nurse.
39. Sweet nursing noises. Nothing like a slurping baby.
40. Getting thin faster.
41. Of course, there is also the added bonus of being able to say, “I’m nursing, I need the extra calories,” as you mainline donuts. Though admittedly, this may interfere with 40.
42. Firm breasts for a few months again! It is like being a teenager all over!
43. Perspective. It teaches you what your body is capable of and how little some of the sag matters.
44. Milk drunk babies.
45. Milky drool. Cute.
46. Sleepy milky smiles.
47. Putting a baby to sleep with your body is really pretty special.
48. Legal protection to nurse most anywhere.
49. It pisses off Barbra Walters.
50. Such HEALTHY babies! The nursing baby is the healthiest person in the house.
51. Toddler calmer.
52. You can travel light! Baby, mama, diaper- GO!
52. Sisterhood.
53. It is fabulous to do something for your baby that nobody else can do.
54. Feeling fabulous about something after you just had a baby can be a big bonus when your hormones are going wacko.
55. Breastfeeding can help heal a birth that didn’t go as you planned.
56. NO AUNT FLOW!!!!!!!!!
57. A quiet phone call (while they nurse.)
58. Makes you love them more.
59. Slows you down for a minute.
60. Gives you a chance to cuddle with a toddler, either one you are nursing or one who is no longer the baby and needs somebody warm to sit with.
61. Getting away with public nudity. Come on, you know it is fun. (I’m just kidding! It isn’t sexual.)
62. Oxytocin.
63. Builds confidence.
64. Hello- you grew a baby- and now you are feeding one!
65. Bonding.
66. Night feedings don’t get much easier than rolling over.
67. Never forget a snack.
68. It is nice to be somebodies favorite person for a while.
69. The original COMFORT food.
70. Guilt free comfort food.
71. At the end of the day, after all the mistakes, I know at least I did one thing right.
72. Teaches you about your baby.
73. Gives you your first chance to teach your baby and work together towards a common goal.
74. Builds a relationship without words.
75. Strangely makes me feel like a feminist.
76. Feels very feminine also.
77. Snuggles.
78. A little person who loves you and doesn’t see chub or fluff, they just see a warm, soft, pillow.
79. Memories for later.
80. No leftovers.
82. No waste.
83. Self satisfaction of knowing you did your part to save the ozone.
84. Nursing- always a good answer!
85. All of a sudden, breasts are multipurpose!
86. Self regulating.
87. It is just cool when your milk lets down and then the baby wakes up. Being totally in sync with another human is amazing.
88. Increases and decreases as needed.
89. Healthier mama.
90. Happier mama.
91. Sleep-feeding.
92. Being needed.
93. Needing somebody else.
94. Dad can do so many things I can’t do, it is nice to have something that I can do special for the kids.
95. Breastfed baby smell.
96. Breastfed baby skin.
97. I might not look that good in tights, but making milk is a superpower!
98. Chatting with moms about nursing- it just is awesome to be able to share and learn and teach each other.
99. Sometimes you just need a good reason to buy a new bra.
100. LOVE
:)
1. Looking in your babies eyes.
2. Holding your sweet little one.
3. Getting a BREAK to sit down with a super good excuse.
4. Makes you feel relaxed.
5. It really is easier in the long run.
6. Even after a busy, crazy, day with a baby and a bunch of other kids, you can look back and know that you held your baby a few times that day.
7. Getting an extra hour of sleep after the morning wake up when you nurse them back to sleep.
8. Being the person who feeds your baby skin to skin is a good feeling. It is like you and only you fed somebody and helped them grow. Amazing.
9. You know when you are nursing a baby that you were productive that day even if the dishes need doing.
10. It magically makes them stay babies. For real.
11. Babies and toddlers are quiet when they nurse.
12. Fixing sadness.
13. Portable.
14. I wouldn’t recommend camping with kids. But if you do choose such a thing, nursing makes it easier.
15. No runs to the store.
16. Breasts are easy to clean, and don’t usually need to be sanitized. (I am just kidding. I never sanitize mine.)
17. La Leche League- cool ladies, great friends.
18. It just makes sense.
19. Sneaking out of church to go to the mother’s room where it is quiet, you can hear the speaker, and hubby gets to sit with the kids! Many a relaxing break in the nursing room…
20. On the other hand, you can easily nurse in the middle of church so you don’t distract all the other kids that would want to follow you out!
21. No getting up to prep anything in the middle of the night- it is a self-serve system!
22. Lactating breasts are like a free pharmacy for the whole family! Ear infection, gooey eye, runny nose- NO PROBLEM! A little milk can fix it up.
23. Unoffensive poo.
24. Liquid diet for sickies means they still get nourishment when they are sick.
25. Milk sharing. It just makes a mama feel like she is helping someone when she can share milk with a friend who really needs it for their baby.
26. One less thing to buy.
27. Seems to magically calm the whole house.
28. Helps you sit and reconnect with the other kids.
29. Gives you time to read a little (before they are grabby) which is just so NICE when you are a busy mom.
30. A meal that requires NO DISHES!!!!
31. A meal that requires no preparation!
32. A meal that requires no shopping!
33. One less thing in the diaper bag.
34. Happy baby on the plane! Just nurse them and they don’t scream.
35. Less hassle when they frisk you in security when you are getting ON the plane.
36. MONEY- it is saved.
37. No plastic.
38. The little games they play that only you see while they nurse.
39. Sweet nursing noises. Nothing like a slurping baby.
40. Getting thin faster.
41. Of course, there is also the added bonus of being able to say, “I’m nursing, I need the extra calories,” as you mainline donuts. Though admittedly, this may interfere with 40.
42. Firm breasts for a few months again! It is like being a teenager all over!
43. Perspective. It teaches you what your body is capable of and how little some of the sag matters.
44. Milk drunk babies.
45. Milky drool. Cute.
46. Sleepy milky smiles.
47. Putting a baby to sleep with your body is really pretty special.
48. Legal protection to nurse most anywhere.
49. It pisses off Barbra Walters.
50. Such HEALTHY babies! The nursing baby is the healthiest person in the house.
51. Toddler calmer.
52. You can travel light! Baby, mama, diaper- GO!
52. Sisterhood.
53. It is fabulous to do something for your baby that nobody else can do.
54. Feeling fabulous about something after you just had a baby can be a big bonus when your hormones are going wacko.
55. Breastfeeding can help heal a birth that didn’t go as you planned.
56. NO AUNT FLOW!!!!!!!!!
57. A quiet phone call (while they nurse.)
58. Makes you love them more.
59. Slows you down for a minute.
60. Gives you a chance to cuddle with a toddler, either one you are nursing or one who is no longer the baby and needs somebody warm to sit with.
61. Getting away with public nudity. Come on, you know it is fun. (I’m just kidding! It isn’t sexual.)
62. Oxytocin.
63. Builds confidence.
64. Hello- you grew a baby- and now you are feeding one!
65. Bonding.
66. Night feedings don’t get much easier than rolling over.
67. Never forget a snack.
68. It is nice to be somebodies favorite person for a while.
69. The original COMFORT food.
70. Guilt free comfort food.
71. At the end of the day, after all the mistakes, I know at least I did one thing right.
72. Teaches you about your baby.
73. Gives you your first chance to teach your baby and work together towards a common goal.
74. Builds a relationship without words.
75. Strangely makes me feel like a feminist.
76. Feels very feminine also.
77. Snuggles.
78. A little person who loves you and doesn’t see chub or fluff, they just see a warm, soft, pillow.
79. Memories for later.
80. No leftovers.
82. No waste.
83. Self satisfaction of knowing you did your part to save the ozone.
84. Nursing- always a good answer!
85. All of a sudden, breasts are multipurpose!
86. Self regulating.
87. It is just cool when your milk lets down and then the baby wakes up. Being totally in sync with another human is amazing.
88. Increases and decreases as needed.
89. Healthier mama.
90. Happier mama.
91. Sleep-feeding.
92. Being needed.
93. Needing somebody else.
94. Dad can do so many things I can’t do, it is nice to have something that I can do special for the kids.
95. Breastfed baby smell.
96. Breastfed baby skin.
97. I might not look that good in tights, but making milk is a superpower!
98. Chatting with moms about nursing- it just is awesome to be able to share and learn and teach each other.
99. Sometimes you just need a good reason to buy a new bra.
100. LOVE
:)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
It's tough to be a week old
 |
| Happy one week, baby! |
Survey:
-Weight: 7lbs 5.5oz at last check-up
-Height: not much taller than 20 inches I would imagine
-Cord stump? still in tact, so is the circumcision cap.
-Nicknames? Boyfriend, little man, a few more but nothing has stuck yet.
-Breastfed or bottle-fed? EBF
-Paci? Yep. Vanilla soothie :)
-Wrinkles? Galore :)
-New baby smell? It the best thing ever.
-Longest period of sleep? 5 hours and had to wake to feed... Definitely wasnt expecting that but I'll take it.
-Favorite things? Eating, sleeping, being swaddled and cuddled with mommy or daddy, lights and music or singing, car rides
-Enjoy bath time? Not at all! Doesn't like to be lotioned either.
-Colic/reflux? No signs so far, he hasn't even spit up yet!
-How's the rookie parents adjusting?
We are great, getting more sleep than I thought possible for a newborn...Phillip is having to do most of the work, caring for me and Titus because I felt 100% better about 3 days after being home and over did it, but i relapsed and am now I'm paying for it. I'd still say we are doing pretty good though, for first time parents. I will say that I guess I was naive and expected to just pop a baby out and be on my way, but now I definitely understand why the doctors advise you to take it easy for a few weeks. We are just so happy that he is here and healthy. We couldn't ask for more, except for maybe the world to spin slower :)
-love, the lasseter's
Welcome to the World, Titus Hartley Lasseter
**WARNING** This is our birth story, don't read if you are not comfortable with this subject!
 |
| So alert in his first little hour of life |
My water broke around 6:45 Tuesday morning as I was coming back from the bathroom and Phillip was putting on his boots for work. I felt a gush of fluid that stopped me in my tracks and I said "either I just peed my pants or my water broke" and as I waddled to the bathroom I felt more gushes and knew what our day had in store. We were having a baby today, within 24 hours!!! So we grabbed our bags and packed a few more last minute things, showered and got dressed, stopped by the bank and Chic-fil-a and headed to L&D. It was a clouded over, stormy day that would have only been better if it was about 30 degrees cooler; but since we spent the day inside with the thermosthat set to 60, it was a perfect day to birth our baby! Phillip called our parents and we had grandparents waiting on us in our huge delivery room. Good thing we got the biggest room because we had so many visitors!
 |
| leaving for the hospital |
Things were progressing pretty slowly at first so after about 3pm I was given pitocin to speed up the process (since you need to birth a baby within 24 hours of your water breaking) and an epidural because I couldn't handle the contractions anymore. I planned a natural birth, but because we had to speed things up the contractions were much stronger and I couldn't do it. However, looking back, I'm not totally convinced I could have done it without and epidural anyway but I'm glad I stuck it out for as long as I could (I'll still go as long as I can without one next time, that labor might be different). I felt like I was stuck at 8cm for nearly 2 hours and then all of a sudden nurses rushed in and said it was time to push! So everyone left the room except Phillip and my mom and I pushed for an hour and forty-five minutes. It was the most exhausting thing ever! My right side already had the feeling back so I felt just about everything on that side. I knew when to push with every contraction and my pelvis felt like it was about to shatter.
 |
| getting ready to push! |
At 10:28pm, my world changed forever! I heard the most beautiful cry as Dr. Cannizaro unwound the cord twice from my little boy's neck and placed him on my chest. They took a few minutes to clean him up while we were waiting for his cord to stop pulsating. Phillip cut the cord, they took Titus for just a few minutes to get weighed and checked (in our room, of course) while I was delivering the placenta (yuck!) and getting sewn up (ouch!!), and then they gave him right back to me for some skin-on-skin/nursing time. It was about midnight before he got blessed and introduced to the family. After everyone left, my sister went on a food run because I was starvingggg! I hadn't eaten since about 8am. Burger King never tasted so good.
 |
| Introducing him to family (that waited about 16 hours for his arrival) |
Titus was sent to transistion for about 3 hours and I was up walking and using the bathroom. We called the nursery and asked for him as soon as we got into our postpartum room and they brought him in. That was the longest 3 hours ever! All-in-all, I would say I had a great experience at River Oaks. For a hospital setting, they did a great job at making me feel comfortable. Even though my doctor wasn't able to deliver, she was there through most of the labor and made sure I had everything as I wanted it (even though I changed my mind last minute).
Titus had some bruising and swelling on his head from the delivery and being in the birth canal a long time. He was also a little cone headed baby. He still has a hematoma on the right side of his head, but the swelling and bruising is looking much better. The hematoma will heal on its own. He was high risk for jaundice, but thankfully his levels were low and he was never considered jaundice. Nursing is going pretty smoothly too, he latched great from the beginning. The only problem we've had really is keeping him awake during feedings and waking him up for feedings (he slept nearly 5 hours straight by accident one night). What can I say? The boy takes after his mama in the sleep department. He's such an easy baby and usually only fussy when hungry or during a diaper change. He couldn't be more perfect in my eyes! :)
Being a mommy and holding him for the first time is a feeling I'll never be able to explain or never forget. We are so blessed :)
With love,
-Nikki
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Patience Is Not My Virtue
We are finally in the 9th month with less than 30 days to go, his due date is one month from today! With our 36 week mark approaching in two days, we are finally "in the clear" as far as a healthy baby goes. This whole time, my doctor predicted that he would be really premature. He has surpassed all of that and even though he could still be "early" at 36 weeks there would be little to no NICU time and we are beyond thrilled about that. However, this waiting game has been miserable! I am so ready to meet my little man.
When I first went into full-blown "preterm labor" over a month ago, my first thought was "I've gotta keep him in there and keep him healthy, at all costs!" and my second thought was somewhere along the lines of "I've never experienced pregnancy before, I want to make it all the way til the end so I experience everything that comes along with pregnancy". Little did I know, these parts of pregnancy are less than thrilling. My body has gone through way more than I ever thought possible, things people have NEVER mentioned to me about pregnancy before. You mean to tell me I've still got a MONTH to deal with all these things? I know I've always been a bit of a "hypochondriac" or in my words "in tune with my body". But there is literally a new symptom every day. One day there is a rash covering my arms, the next there is a poison ivy like rash all over my belly, "blood bruising" on my legs from swelling, something I like to call "lightening crotch" that literally feels like a lightening bolt right to the cervix. The first time I ever got it, even though his head is engaged, I was sure that there was an arm or leg sticking out. It felt like a knife cutting right through. I even asked Phillip if anything was hanging out because obviously, I cannot see those parts of my body.
I got skills:
-Learning to manuever my body plus 30 extra pounds out of the bed every 30 minutes for a bathroom trip. You literally have to roll off the bed, putting your feet against the wall so you don't roll too far, lying there for a second because that took alot of effort and your already tired, trying to lift up or roll up without getting a contraction because that can stop you for another minute if your in pain. You just pray not to get a charlie horse in your calves because those last sometimes for minutes at a time and if you really gotta go then those few minutes are crucial. HA!
-Waddling to the bathroom holding your hips because your sciatic nerve is KILLING, stopping in your tracks to grab your "lightening crotch", trying to keep your legs closed because it feels like a bowling ball is about to fall out and to prevent anymore "LC". When you finally get to the bathroom you only "trickle". After you get back to bed it isn't THAT bad. I have a routine of tums (because even water gives me heartburn) and rehydrating, repositioning the heating pad to another part of my aching body, getting back comfortable (the hardest part of getting back into bed), and resting my eyes until the next episode.
-I'm not working anymore (Yay, early maternity leave), but I still get cankles. Not just cankles, full blown balloon ankles and sausage link toes. I haven't tried to put on a pair of real shoes since I can't remember when. It's flip flops 99.9% of the time, since they just slip on. It's a chore just shaving my legs and putting on lotion, much less trying to paint my toenails. One minute my rings fit fine, then the next I can't pry them off.
-I don't even attempt to get dressed anymore. There's no point, even the maternity clothes are snug. Trying to put on a pair of pants or underwear definitely takes skill. Thankfully, Phillip helps me when he's home.
-The biggest skill I've mananged is refraining to punch people in the throat when they offer unwanted pregnancy advice. I want to be a hermit crab these next few weeks, not hear another comment about MY pregnancy or the way I chose to do things, and not leave my house where there temp is set to 65 degrees. No one cares if I'm dressed and I get to eat all the food my pantry can store. I know thats wishful thinking and I will have to get out at some point, but it sounds so promising. :) I'm really not THAT bad, but there are days when I feel this way.
I'm sure I've aquired more skills over this pregnancy, those are just some of the most recent ones. Its definitely an invasion of your body, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know the moment I meet him, all these pregnancy pains will disappear. I'm just so ready to hold him and kiss little baby feet. I love sitting in the nursery, smelling all of his clothes, and wishing he was already here! I'm still planning a natural labor and I've been preparing for this in many ways to get my cervix ripened and pelvis ready for a quick and fast delivery ;) At 37 weeks, I'll probably start walking moderately and trying some natural induction methods. They won't work anyway unless he's ready to come, but if he is ready hopefully they'll speed things along. I've even considered getting membranes stripped (OUCH!) because I don't want Pitocin, at all! I'm 2cm and 75% effaced, but I could stay that way for a while. I'm actually hoping she won't check at my appointment tomorrow because its SO uncomfortable and it doesn't really tell you that much anyway. His head is engaged at a -2 station, so he's still got some dropping to do, but not much.
Well, I'm off to the birthing ball and drinking my cup of Raspberry Leaf Tea. I still owe an update on his nursery and our last two showers, but I'll get to it eventually. :)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I am your safe place
I can tell by the way you slip into my room when you wake during the night, sniffling as you shuffle down the hallway and then, having arrived, breathing that deep sigh of contentment.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you run to me, crying, holding out a hand or lifting up a knee for me to kiss better. Like magic, it works every time. The tears stop and you run off, just like that, and I wish I could cure the world so easily as I can soothe your bumps and scrapes.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you curl into me when you're scared, pressed hard against me, certain that I can protect you. One day you'll realize that I can't always keep you safe, but for now you rest secure in your belief that I am omnipotent.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you reach for my hand when you're feeling uncertain or overwhelmed, sometimes wrapping both arms around my leg or hiding your face against my neck. I understand, sweet child, and I will allow you the time you need to feel comfortable stepping away.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you tell me a hundred times a day, I like-a be wif you. I reply in kind each time - I like to be with you too - and I mean it so very much.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by our late-night conversations, my night owl, when you ask your big questions and explore your fears. I don't always know how to answer, but I hope that I can consistently lead you to God, our true safe place in this world.
I am your safe place, but I don't always understand it. Most days I feel like a child myself, pretending to be a real live grown-up but waiting all the while for someone to discover the truth. One day you'll realize that I don't know as much as you think I do, that really I'm just stumbling along, doing my best, like everyone else on this planet.
I am your safe place, but I don't always deserve it, this I know. I lose my temper, criticize, shame, and I see the confusion in your eyes. But more than that, I see the acceptance: I am your safe place, so what I say must be true, there must be something wrong with you. Oh, but there's not, sweet child, and one of my most fervent prayers is that you will always remember my apologies above the thoughtless words that prompted them.
I am your safe place, but I know it won't always be so. One day you'll find a new safe place and it will be someone else who strokes your hair as you confess your worries into the quiet darkness of night.
But for now, for whatever crazy reason, I am your safe place.
And I am honoured.
-from a friend
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you run to me, crying, holding out a hand or lifting up a knee for me to kiss better. Like magic, it works every time. The tears stop and you run off, just like that, and I wish I could cure the world so easily as I can soothe your bumps and scrapes.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you curl into me when you're scared, pressed hard against me, certain that I can protect you. One day you'll realize that I can't always keep you safe, but for now you rest secure in your belief that I am omnipotent.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you reach for my hand when you're feeling uncertain or overwhelmed, sometimes wrapping both arms around my leg or hiding your face against my neck. I understand, sweet child, and I will allow you the time you need to feel comfortable stepping away.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by the way you tell me a hundred times a day, I like-a be wif you. I reply in kind each time - I like to be with you too - and I mean it so very much.
I am your safe place.
I can tell by our late-night conversations, my night owl, when you ask your big questions and explore your fears. I don't always know how to answer, but I hope that I can consistently lead you to God, our true safe place in this world.
I am your safe place, but I don't always understand it. Most days I feel like a child myself, pretending to be a real live grown-up but waiting all the while for someone to discover the truth. One day you'll realize that I don't know as much as you think I do, that really I'm just stumbling along, doing my best, like everyone else on this planet.
I am your safe place, but I don't always deserve it, this I know. I lose my temper, criticize, shame, and I see the confusion in your eyes. But more than that, I see the acceptance: I am your safe place, so what I say must be true, there must be something wrong with you. Oh, but there's not, sweet child, and one of my most fervent prayers is that you will always remember my apologies above the thoughtless words that prompted them.
I am your safe place, but I know it won't always be so. One day you'll find a new safe place and it will be someone else who strokes your hair as you confess your worries into the quiet darkness of night.
But for now, for whatever crazy reason, I am your safe place.
And I am honoured.
-from a friend
Friday, June 8, 2012
34 weeks!
I have A LOT of catching up to do so bear with me! I'll start from the beginning.
False Alarm...Thursday May 24th:
I was having a pretty regular day. I didn't have to be at work until 1 and was actually working at our Renaissance location that day. I woke up around 8:30, had some breakfast, laid by the pool for about an hour to work on my tan, got ready, and cooked a small lunch for Phillip. I rested a lot in between all these activities, so it was nothing strenuous or rushed at all. I left for work and stopped by Bon Ami to get my favorite berry tea because it was SO HOT outside. Work that day was pretty laid back that day and I got off early so Phillip met me at Bonefish for dinner. We stopped back by my mom's house to pick up some things she had bought for Titus, and by this point I was pretty much in pain. I've had some uncomfortable contractions this whole time but I was doubling over in pain. So we did the only thing we knew to do and went home, took medicine, drank lots of water, and got in the bed to rest. I started counting the contractions about 8:30 and within an hour at complete rest they were at 2-3 minutes apart and stronger than ever. So I called the nurse-on-call, she called the hospital and made sure they had a bed ready, and we were on our way (after Phillip scrounged around to pack a quick bag). Sure enough, I was contracting off the monitor. We were naming them (mole hills, mt. everest, mt. Kilimanjaro, etc). They slowed down with IV fluids and a terbutaline shot. When that didn't help, the 2nd terbutaline shot knocked them on out for a while. And let me just tell you, you never want that shot unless you have to have it. My pulse was sky rocketing and I was very jittery. YUCK! They let us go home around 2:30 and we were exhausted! She put me on bed rest until I saw my doctor the following week.
I love my doctor and all, but she hasn't been the most "on top of things" doctor I've ever had. She's pretty relaxed about any and every situation in this pregnancy, unlike other doctors and nurses I've seen. She pretty much told me I could go back to work but we might have to stop labor again, or if I wanted to sit the week out and rest up to get past the 34 week mark then thats what we would do. No thanks, I think I'd rather wait it out a week, not have to go to the hospital AGAIN and play like a pin cushion. I didn't want to chance it. She's not stopping labor after 34 weeks and I'm going back to work full time, until its time to have the baby. This scares me, A LOT. I know I'm very lucky to have kept the baby in this long and people have 34 week old babies all the time that are healthy, but a stay in the NICU is what I'm trying to avoid and a healthy baby is my goal. Good news is, the baby is measuring big! At 33 weeks he measured 35 weeks with a head as big as 37 weeks! 5.3 pounds and 66th percentile (not sure what that means?) and his feet were almost 3 inches long! :)
As of now, we have less 6 weeks left to go and I'm ready to meet our little baby! I get emotional over pampers commercials, A Baby Story on TLC, and thinking about sweet baby feet. We've had our shower at Phillip's work, shower at church, maternity pictures, and we will have our family shower this weekend! It's all going by so fast, now all we have to do is play the waiting game. Phillip has been so supportive though. Say a prayer for him and me through these last couple of weeks as I've been on an emotional roller coaster and probably be a bit more moody than either of us enjoy. :) Hopefully I'll have time for one more maternity picture/shower post before he's here!
Oh & he's been practice breathing! Its the most amazing thing to watch!! Hopefully that means his little lungs are developing well!
Love,
Nikki
False Alarm...Thursday May 24th:
I was having a pretty regular day. I didn't have to be at work until 1 and was actually working at our Renaissance location that day. I woke up around 8:30, had some breakfast, laid by the pool for about an hour to work on my tan, got ready, and cooked a small lunch for Phillip. I rested a lot in between all these activities, so it was nothing strenuous or rushed at all. I left for work and stopped by Bon Ami to get my favorite berry tea because it was SO HOT outside. Work that day was pretty laid back that day and I got off early so Phillip met me at Bonefish for dinner. We stopped back by my mom's house to pick up some things she had bought for Titus, and by this point I was pretty much in pain. I've had some uncomfortable contractions this whole time but I was doubling over in pain. So we did the only thing we knew to do and went home, took medicine, drank lots of water, and got in the bed to rest. I started counting the contractions about 8:30 and within an hour at complete rest they were at 2-3 minutes apart and stronger than ever. So I called the nurse-on-call, she called the hospital and made sure they had a bed ready, and we were on our way (after Phillip scrounged around to pack a quick bag). Sure enough, I was contracting off the monitor. We were naming them (mole hills, mt. everest, mt. Kilimanjaro, etc). They slowed down with IV fluids and a terbutaline shot. When that didn't help, the 2nd terbutaline shot knocked them on out for a while. And let me just tell you, you never want that shot unless you have to have it. My pulse was sky rocketing and I was very jittery. YUCK! They let us go home around 2:30 and we were exhausted! She put me on bed rest until I saw my doctor the following week.
I love my doctor and all, but she hasn't been the most "on top of things" doctor I've ever had. She's pretty relaxed about any and every situation in this pregnancy, unlike other doctors and nurses I've seen. She pretty much told me I could go back to work but we might have to stop labor again, or if I wanted to sit the week out and rest up to get past the 34 week mark then thats what we would do. No thanks, I think I'd rather wait it out a week, not have to go to the hospital AGAIN and play like a pin cushion. I didn't want to chance it. She's not stopping labor after 34 weeks and I'm going back to work full time, until its time to have the baby. This scares me, A LOT. I know I'm very lucky to have kept the baby in this long and people have 34 week old babies all the time that are healthy, but a stay in the NICU is what I'm trying to avoid and a healthy baby is my goal. Good news is, the baby is measuring big! At 33 weeks he measured 35 weeks with a head as big as 37 weeks! 5.3 pounds and 66th percentile (not sure what that means?) and his feet were almost 3 inches long! :)
As of now, we have less 6 weeks left to go and I'm ready to meet our little baby! I get emotional over pampers commercials, A Baby Story on TLC, and thinking about sweet baby feet. We've had our shower at Phillip's work, shower at church, maternity pictures, and we will have our family shower this weekend! It's all going by so fast, now all we have to do is play the waiting game. Phillip has been so supportive though. Say a prayer for him and me through these last couple of weeks as I've been on an emotional roller coaster and probably be a bit more moody than either of us enjoy. :) Hopefully I'll have time for one more maternity picture/shower post before he's here!
Oh & he's been practice breathing! Its the most amazing thing to watch!! Hopefully that means his little lungs are developing well!
Love,
Nikki
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